Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
