omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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