i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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