My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Randomize
