I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
