Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
