cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
