no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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