i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
