Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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