Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
