can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
