Cold hands, warm shart.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
