coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
