i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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