I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
