Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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