Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
