if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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