umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Can I color on your dick again?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
