dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You were trust falling into bushes
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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