will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
