they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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