watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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