so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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