If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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