Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
