she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
