I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
