How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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