I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
