the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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