Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
