im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
