I heard we made out
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
