i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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