don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
