"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I looked at my own cervix.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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