I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
