Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
