she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
