Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
