Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
