you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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