Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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