Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
