I never want to see another naked old woman again.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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