Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
