i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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