Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
