Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
