That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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