I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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