He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
