I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
