yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
