Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
