Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
