i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
