When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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