Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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