i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
3 2 1 whiskey
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
