After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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