i wish there were pregnant emoticons
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
