I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
