i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
