i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize