3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
