Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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