i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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