the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
