i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
