He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
