So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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