maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
