The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
