I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
