The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
