I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
