It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
ttyl tear gas
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
