How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
