My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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