Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
my liver is dry heaving
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
