Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize