i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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