We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
