the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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