They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
