Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
