i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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