Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
