At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
