Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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